I was angry as hell, full of rage when i saw the despicable face of the person who added woes to our dark days...

i have forgiven all, but i cannot stand his impudence to walk into my home and be there like his presence was welcome.

I slammed the door, headed off to the highway, i drove angrily but carefully, not endangering anyone yet having my hare of the speed. I have become careless with my driving somehow. I'm good, fast and sharp, yet something has snapped, the keen alertness has dulled. My actions are purely practised reflexes.

After driving in the flying dirt aka our jaipur highway, i started feeling better...somehow the sights of tractors and villagers makes me happy....so i began to feel calm.

My family has such a riotious history that i really do feel like don coreleone's kin. I want to stay away from the 'Family' and what they do, but somehow i always do get sucked in...my only fear is, that their voilence, their character may be in blood, but its undetected till now...

This is when i fear my fascinations for toys of power, guns, knives...speed...each person has many sides, many faces....my soul can't understand my obsession with power.

Neither can my mortal self.

I belong in a village. I just know it. Yes, that's another side of me. I'm a villager at heart, hardworking and simple.

But one can't always be that way....

its complicated.